Your Questions About Money Token Express

Maria asks…

How can I feel more secure about making decisions?

I have a hard time making decisions. I know it is somewhat of a fear. I don’t want to be responsible for a bad decision, especially when it involves others. I don’t want to be the one to blame for anything. It can be something as simple as where we go to eat, to more trying things such as how to spend my money. I feel like I let opportunities pass me by, but at the same time I feel I am doing good by being cautious. I have so many thoughts and ideas that I never act upon, and I feel it is holding me back. This affects many things in my life. I have just as hard time making risky decisions as I do simple ones. This also pertains to standing up for what I believe in. I believe in keeping the peace as much as possible, but at the same time I would feel great if I could express my concerns about issues, but most of the time I cower in silence.
I don’t think I have dystimia or anything. Mine is too emotionally charged. I am worried about making a decision, because of making the wrong one. I don’t want to hurt anyone, feel guilty,embarrassed, ashamed. Whatever the possible wrong outcome of a decision is why I don’t want to make that decision, but thanks for taking the time to answer, Mike.

themoneydude answers:

Linda,

It’s funny that you mention this because my wife used to be worse than you did. She could never make decisions about anything: where to eat, what to wear, what to buy…you name it, she couldn’t decide on it. She’s much better than she used to be because I had to explain to her that if she makes the wrong decision, it’s not the end of the world. I know it sounds simple, but it’s true. If you go to a restaurant and half way into the meal you find that you don’t like the food, or that it’s not what you crave, so what? That’s a MINOR decision….think about that…a MINOR decision. It’s very important to distinguish minor decisions (decisions that will only affect us for a short period of time), from a moderate or a major decision. That will go a long way in helping to “cure” you of this problem you’re having. Understand that minor decisions should be easier for you to make. My advice to you in making minor decisions is to put yourself in the absolute worst case scenario. Then think of how you’d deal with the situation if that scenario did, indeed, come to pass. You’d find that many more times than not, your “wrong” decision wouldn’t really be that bad. Try it, you’ll see. Another thing you can try doing (which won’t be easy) is to stop second guessing yourself: “Oh goodness, maybe I should have done it this way” or “Did I make the right choice?” Second guessing yourself will drive you mad. The fact is, you could second guess every decision you make for the rest of your life…even if you KNEW you made the right decision. “I know this was the right decision, but was the other option better?” Make it a goal to stick with decisions once you’ve made them. Don’t think about them at night, dont’ think about them in your free time, just make them and forget them. This will take practice, but if you conciously practice this, a lot of the anxiety will naturally subside with your decision making, and subsequently give you more confidence to make decisions.

Now there are some decisions that take time, research, and a lot of trepidation (I know I probably spelled that wrong). Buying a car, a house, choosing a job, whether or not to relocate, I mean there are a lot of decisions out there that can really change the course of your life for quite a while….but by the same token, a decision still has to be made and it’s important that you truly realize that. Mulling over an important decision is a good thing. Big decisions should never be rushed in to, that much is obvious. But dwelling on it, grinding it out day after day, playing out each scenario over and over again will eventually make the decision tougher and tougher. Then when you finally make the decision, I GUARANTEE you will second guess yourself constantly. Why? Because you’ll tell yourself “This decision can’t be right because I took so long to make it. If this truly was the right decision, it would have been obvious from the start right? Yes? No?” It’s an endless cycle that, again, will drive you mad.

The bottom line is that you have to trust yourself. Everyone…I mean EVERYone has made bad decisions and plenty of them…and I know you know that. Even if you’ve made the “wrong decision” every single day of your life it’s EXTREMELY important that you remember this: It is human nature to self preserve. That is, it comes naturally to us to do what it takes to survive. We don’t even conciously think about it, we just do it. This is what we call “instinct.” And most people will tell you that their first instinct is usually correct. The reason you can trust your first instinct most of the time is because it’s natural for you as a human being to do what’s best for your survival. Dont’ get me wrong, I’m not advocating making snap decisions. We all know that buying the first car we test drive, or purchasing the first house we look at isn’t a good habit to get in to. But it’s very important to trust the fact that ultimately, whatever decision you make will be the correct one. You’ve made it this far in life right? You’re not dead, or paralized, or seriously ill, or in prison or anything horrible as a result of a decision you’ve made to this point right? It sounds silly but it’s true. No decision you’ve made has ended your life, your sanity, or your freedom. Give yourself credit for that and trust yourself that you have no intention to start making horrible life altering decisions. In that respect every decision you’ve made so far has been the right one. Don’t believe me? Look in the mirror…you’re still here. Remember to also practice distinguishing the small decisions from the big ones. Once you get a handle on that, you can start to mentally decide how much time or effort you can spend on a decision. But start with the minor decisions and stick with them. Work your way up from there. If you practice this consistently, you should find that making even tough or major decisions won’t be so scary, painstaking, or frustrating.

Let’s start now: What are you eating for dinner tonight?

Good luck, Linda

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